A rather foul 5th

Ahhhhh, the joys of teaching, when you walk into your classroom toward the end of a long, hard, satisfying day of teaching, and are brought to a sudden halt by the worst odor you've smelled since you became pregnant.

"Oh my word, is that ME who stinks so bad?"  Two subtle sniffs assure you differently - you still smell of sweet pea and hand sanitizer.  "WHEW.  I've never smelled B.O. like that in my life...  Who on earth could that be?  Wait a second, is it the teacher across the hall?  I mean, we were just talking...  No chance.  She's as prissy as I am..."

You take a deep mouth breath, and with the acrid taste of the stench on your breath, you begin to hand out the DOL.  You walk over to the first row, and it hits you all over again.  You hold back a gag as you approach the student in the front row.  This student is usually pretty grubby, and, in fact, picks scabs and eats them, and just the other day you caught this student nose-picking.  But this one has never stunk up the entire room...

Until today.

You try to walk away and get a fresh breath, but the entire room is now enveloped.  In fact, stepping out into the hall does no good, either, because the odor is so strong that it's spilled out there as well.  You can almost swear you see a dirty mist throughout the room.  Alas, there's no choice.  You have to go back in and teach this class.

For some reason, you try to look on the bright side and assume that none of your other kids will say anything.  Common sense would tell them to use some tact, right?  Oh wait.  They're kids.  You look around and realize that the students are already starting to whisper and grumble, and finally an especially boisterous girl begins accusing another boy. 

"Oh.  My.  God.  What is that smell?  Who IS that?"

Another one chimes in.  "I think it's Nick.  Gross, Nick.  Let me smell you!"

Poor Nick looks embarrassed and protests.  "It's not me, but I smell it.  That's disgusting!"

And the entire class erupts.  Some begin spraying perfume, one girl is choking after being hit in the face with said perfume, others are coughing and smelling each other to determine the culprit.  Poor Scabs is sitting head-down on the desk and you wonder if this child realizes the actual cause of all this commotion.

Holding back another gag, you make a lame attempt at squelching the conversation.  "Guys, you're hurting someone's feelings right now, and you don't even know it.  COOL it.  Breathe through your mouth!"

But it's useless.  Kids will be kids, and that means they have to keep smelling a stench so they can keep complaining about it.  You know you'll never get a bit of work done as long as this goes on.  What on earth can you do?  You frantically dig through the cupboard for some Febreze, and then realize that if the ungodly stench is overpowering your two air fresheners (one strategically positioned near Scabs' desk), there's no chance any spray will help.

In desperation, you call out to your students, "Okay, everyone.  Pack up your bags!  We're going on a grammar field trip!"

In triumph, you lead them down the hall, through the stairwell, and straight outside to the lawn, where a gorgeous breeze blows away any trace of the original problem.  You finally teach object complements in complete peace, smelling nothing but the late summer air and the scent of pine needles.

Crisis averted.  Well, until tomorrow...