Grandma Marilyn

I've been gone a bit. Maybe you noticed? I don't have any adorable little people pictures for you today. I don't even have any funny stories. In fact, I'm leftover sad, and I'd like to tell you where I was.

My grandmother passed away. I know I've mentioned that she was battling cancer. She had been for a little while, and she was so remarkably courageous and tenacious. I honestly thought that Grandma Marilyn would outlive all of us, cancer or not. But when Mom went up to Elgin to help care for her, I knew things weren't good. And then we got a call that things were REALLY not good. And then another call that she wasn't expected to make it through the night. Nate made a quick decision and we packed up these little people and hit the road, hoping we'd make it in time.

And Grandma knew we were coming. And she knew Ann was coming. And Sarah was coming. And Jen was coming with the kids. And she waited. She waited for us to get there and tell her how much we loved her and how important she was to us. She waited to listen to Milo and Lucy sing her songs and she smiled in her sleep as they did. She waited so Milo could sit on the bed next to her and Lucy could brush her hair. She waited to open her eyes, look me right in the face, and say, "Oh, hi, Honey."

And then she couldn't wait anymore because fighting for so long had worn her out. And so, last Monday morning she passed away peacefully as a blanket of snow covered the city. I wanted to feel relieved for her because now she was finally at rest, but I have been selfish and heartbroken and crying at the drop of a hat and forgetting important things and snapping at my sweet husband. So that is where I have been.

I will tell you that Lucy preciously mentioned to everyone who came near Grandma, "Shhh! Gammie sleeping!" I will also tell you that Milo got it into his head that "heaven" is outer space, and mentioned to more than a few people that Grammie was NOT in heaven (That goes over really well with people who are grieving, no?) And I will add that, although our trip was for a sad purpose, we still enjoyed making fantastic memories with our family and my little people have become an absolute dream to travel with.

Perhaps tomorrow I will show you sweet pictures of Nate in the hammock with our little people. Maybe I'll tell you about all the seeds we've planted and the gorgeous weather we're having and how we all smell like outside at all times. For today, I just wanted to let you know that I still exist.