Life's a lesson

Let me just clarify something. I love being a mommy. There's nothing more satisfying and gratifying and anything else lovely that rhymes with "-ifying." I mean, just look at this child.

Try not to look too closely at the tiny little runny nose. We've been fighting off a virus this weekend.

Please, Lord, let Milo only wear these non-prescription glasses like his cool Daddy and not be blind as a bat like his Mommy.

That said, have you ever done something that completely caused you to doubt your worth, ability, and at times, sanity? The sense of responsibility when it comes to parenting makes me breathless sometimes. I get these few brief moments to shape an entire human being, and there's no going back. I don't get any do-overs, and I can't get a single second back. Let me just pause for a moment because I'm slightly light-headed and just realized I've been holding my breath.

Milo and I were driving in the car yesterday, singing along to some of my favorite new worship. Milo's seen me sing and lift my hands and dance around the living room quite frequently, and he's recently started participating. He looked at me so sweetly in the car, lifting his hands up and singing along, waiting for me to do the same thing, and I had this little crisis of faith. Was I going to raise my hands like I do at home and look a little bit crazy driving down busy First Street? Or was I going to teach my son that we only honor Yahweh in the secret of our own home?

Let me be honest. I lifted one arm and sang at the top of my lungs, but I immediately flashed back to high school. One of my best friend's moms used to lift both hands off the wheel, singing along to the oldschool Vineyard worship (if you grew up a church kid like I did, you know the horror of that statement) while she was driving us around. We were always mortified, and yesterday I literally thought, "Well, I've become that mom." But Milo wasn't embarrassed. He was, in fact, pretty delighted, and I knew that I might look a little crazy to a whole lot of Lufkinites, but to my son, I was being the example of everything I want him to learn: Be who you are always, the same person in public as you are in private, and never be ashamed of that. So parenting has taught me another lesson as I go.