Dreams

I had the strangest dream last night. One of the principals from Lufkin High School called me to let me know I needed to go before the school board. Apparently they had decided to review my resignation, and I now had to prove myself. He told me that I had to write a letter stating my case and read it for them that week at their meeting, and if they didn't approve my resignation, I would have to make up the time I'd been off during the summer months.

I woke up feeling so icky and indignant. Who on earth would question the validity of my choice to stay home with Milo? And then I realized, it was me... I adore staying home with him, but every now and then I get a huge case of the guilts. I start missing my school friends and wishing they hadn't been so upset. I think about the kids I don't get to see anymore, and worrying whether anyone else is taking good care of them. I sniffle over a mentor who really gave me opportunities to excel, and who is now very sick. Being a grown-up is all about realizing that every decision you make, whether good or bad, has consequences (both positive and negative).

All that said, though, every time I look at my precious babyson, I realize that, given the opportunity to re-make my decision a hundred times over, I'd make the same choice every time.

"Cruelty is a mystery, and the waste of pain." - Annie Dillard