Goal on Hold

Ever have one of those moments that kind of stops you in your tracks?
Milo was sick last week. And I mean high fever, constantly cranky, freaked me out kind of sick. Then again, he's never even run a fever before, so it was extra startling...
I found myself praying over him constantly and trying to figure out how this had happened. Had I exposed him to something I shouldn't have? Was he eating something he shouldn't? Was he just plain exhausted?
And then it hit me. Oh man, it hit me hard. Milo hasn't been resting for a while now. And then again, neither have I. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I could almost tell you exactly when he'd stopped resting very well... It was exactly the time I started getting less sleep myself. That's right. Marathon training.
I wanted to say it wasn't true, but I realized that I've been pushing myself harder and harder all the time lately, and the more I pushed, the less he slept. The less we both slept, come to think of it. I didn't want to admit all of this, though, because I'm good at running. And some days, it felt like running was the only thing I was good at. Blech.
Anyway, all this to say, with a month left of training, it's not worth it anymore. It's weird to stop training for something other than an injury, but I've got to do what's best for my little man. So as of last week, after a lot of crying and mourning, I put my goal on hold. It's all for the best.
Someday I'm going to run a marathon.
It's just that my someday won't be this December 4th.